I did a work titled – “When is a husband in Africa guilty of cheating on his wife. Does “a cheating husband” even exist?” The discussions in the piece caused quite some controversy within my circle. I also followed it with another work tiled – “An ideal wife is not found in the man`s bed, but on his decision table. What are you bringing to the table?” you can read each of them to have a balanced understanding of this current discussion.
I will even recommend you first read the above two works before this current one, because my style of writing does not always permit repetition of what I have already covered in previous works. Reason is so that I do not bore my readers with so much repetitions. However, I will try to bring back a few points already made in the previous works here.
In those earlier works I tried to explain how the society is rigged against the women when it comes to approach to the issue of marital infidelity. The society has conspired to interpret extra marital affairs in the place of marriage to mean a crime committed by the women against their men, but not in the other way round.
Our discussion has been actually centered on a traditional African society, and we took Nigeria as a case study. We understand that in the western world the case is utterly different. We do appreciate all that as well as the advantages and protections available to the women over there.
For the men their relationship with other women other than their wives are tolerated and in fact actually permissible and encourage. Our discussion has been actually centered on a traditional African society, and we took Nigeria as a case sturdy. We understand that in the western world the case is utterly different. We do appreciate all that as well as the advantages and protections available to the women over there.
So, our topic under reference has Africa and a country like Nigeria as focal reference. That however does not mean that there will be no references to be made to the western world or lessons our discussions can teach people in that hemisphere. In my works, what I have set out to do is to solve problems, and most marital problems have no race, ethnicity, colour, shape or boundary.
Why things are different in the western world is not because the parties in the marriage are not faced with the problems faced by those in Africa. It is different over there because of available laws which has addressed the challenges and provided protection to the weaker ones in the place of matrimonial union.
On the other hand, the women in marriages in African are still so disadvantaged and consequentially the weaker one in the relationship they have with their men. This weakness is further amplified by the attitude of the society to the issue of infidelity which is either a vice or a virtue depending on which of the parties is involved.
Some may even argue that this is actually not an African problem but has its root from time immemorial. People who share this view have made reference to the Bible when a woman was brought to Jesus Christ for the offence of adultery. Adultery is a sexual act between two adults. A woman cannot have sex alone. She had a partner in the crime, yet only the woman was brought for trial, sentencing and possible execution.
Some may even argue that this is actually not an African problem but has its root from time immemorial. People who share this view have made reference to the Bible when a woman was brought to Jesus Christ for the offence of adultery.
Adultery is a sexual act between two adults. A woman cannot have sex alone. She had a partner in the crime, yet only the woman was brought for trial, sentencing and possible execution.
Notwithstanding the very weak hand the women wield in marriage, including the shield the society has provided to the man regarding infidelity, it is still not entirely a hopeless situation for the women. The law has still provided the women the option to walk away from the marriage with substantial cost to the man. This could come by way of sharing substantially from common/joint properties and assets in the marriage. This advantage comes in the form of seeking for divorce on the ground of adultery.
This is how we get back to the center of our topic for discussion today – A roadmap to victory when your husband is cut pants down. You can lose or win together. Should the women really take this option, or could there be other viable options that will truly serve them better? That is what are about to dissect going forward. So, let`s ride along.
It is a puzzle indeed whether to take the option, and the key to resolving it would depend on many factors but most important of which would revolve on values such as – what attachment do you have to your marriage and what values do you as a woman truly have for the marriage institution as part of God`s plan for his kingdom which begins here on earth.
So, as a woman you must understand your place in God`s plan. You are the builder of the home, not the man. Yes, he is the head of the family, but I tell you a gospel truth – you as his woman is the neck that turns the head around. The man`s headship of the family is a glorified position if you understand you place as a good Christian woman.
So, as a woman you must understand your place in God`s plan. You are the builder of the home, not the man. Yes, he is the head of the family, but I tell you a gospel truth – you as his woman is the neck that turns the head around. The man`s headship of the family is a glorified position if you understand you place as a good Christian woman.
Apostle Paul is not a preacher of the Holy Gospel and preaching is not what I do or what I am doing here right now. Far from it. I am just being a realist. As a wife and a mother your man is your first child. So no married woman is actually childless. You will treat and nurture your husband as one of your kids. You already call him a “baby” anyway. Do you think it is by coincidence?
When your child misbehaves, do you disown him, do you throw him away and go get another? So why would going for divorce be your option just because the law says you can? Yes, you cut him pants down and he cannot deny it. So what? Find the pant and where him back to cover his shame and nakedness, which is also your shame. You are a team after all. So you win or lose together.
First, you must be in a sound moral position to even begin to consider to judge your husband. Truth be told, most of us are as guilty as we charge others to be. In the earlier Biblical instance, we gave, when the men brought the adulterous woman to Jesus Christ for his judgement on her, he rather passed a judgement on their accusers which was a shock to all of them.
It was just simple statement Jesus made that got them to abandon their stones and left one man after another until not even a single accuser of the woman was left. Jesus simply said – be the first to throw the first stone on the woman if you have not done what she did before? Interesting, isn’t it?
Now, ask yourself – are you completely innocent of what your husband have done, or is superficial innocence simply because you have not been cut pant down like him? Even if you have not done as much as he did, have you not done something close to it? Even if you have not done something close, have you not made any attempt before? Okay now, how about this – if you have not made any attempt, is it because of pure moral rectitude or out of fear of the repercussion? Think about it.
The questions are in many ways, but the essence is to get you to search and examine your mind. When you do, you will know you are not better off than your husband. The difference may just that he has been cut but you have not. But let`s assume you are a “tear rubber” angel, just fresh from heaven, in whom there is no sin like the son of man Himself, I still have an area to draw your attention to.
So when you man falls, you can pick him up again, and help him not to fall again. You can do this by understanding why and how he actually fell. It does not matter how many times he has falling or how many times you will “have to go through this”. Do it as many times as there is need to do it. If you think divorce is your best option just because he fail into the “strange woman`s” bed then you have some bigger problem coming your way.
Where will you find that better man than the husband you already have? You must always understand that perfect men don`t exist. That your ideal man is a tall dream. That`s the best it is. In the real world what you get are imperfect men just like you, an imperfect woman. So as the builder of the home, it is your duty to build him into something close to that ideal man in your dream. This responsibility is vice versa, but Apostle Paul has already discussed “our wives are our most precious jewel and our key to so many blessings”. The topic has discussed the place of men in the marriage. You can read it up here.
So when you man falls, you can pick him up again, and help him not to fall again. You can do this by understanding why and how he actually fell. It does not matter how many times he has falling or how many times you will “have to go through this”. Do it as many times as there is need to do it. If you think divorce is your best option just because he fail into the “strange woman`s” bed then you have some bigger problem coming your way.
The next man you will have in your wife is not guaranteed to be any better. Yes, initially it may look so. Even while in your current marriage, you may be admiring so many good things about the new man, and you will be tempted to believe he is the best husband you never had. From a distance it always looks so. May be you are even already dating him (better put, having extra marital affair with him), and he ticks all the dots where your husband appears inadequate.
Apostle Paul laughs. Remember how you started with your current husband. Everything always look good from the onset. Along the line “condition will begin to bend the crayfish”. This does not mean the end of things or a time to try someone new. It could just be a time to rejuvenate and try something new instead of someone new. AP says you can still win together.
If you think you have a view to express regarding my writings, a thing you want to share with me, or a point you wish to disagree with, you are most welcome to do so. Please drop me a line or two in the comment section below and you can sure I will be in touch to follow up if need be. Until next time, remain blessed.
Written by Apostle Paul, a prolific writer, who writes on various issues about marriage and family life.
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